In His Dreams
by tutriceange
Summary: Mark thinks over all the chances he's had to come clean. [response to challenge 2] mostly markcentric, but sort of mr slash


This is pretty Mark centric. It a response to Challenge Central Challenge #2.

CHALLENGE 2: Does not have to be slash. Has to center around Mark or Roger. The other one has to at LEAST be mentioned, or he can be heavily involved, you choose. The requirement for this fic is DARK. Whether you take this to mean angsty, morbid, scary, sinister, or just plain dark, we do not care. Interpret it as you will. Characters still have to be in character for the most part, although we will allow them to act somewhat OOC if they're under the influence of something, if you find it necessary, and that thing doesn't necessarily have to be a narcotic. _We love fics that shock the hell out of us, _TRIPLE POINTS to the person who can shock us the most.

I hope you guys enjoy! R&R please! (It's my first Mark (sort of /Roger) fic, so be nice!) :D Thanks!

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"No…he couldn't have. Not him. Why would he do something like this? It just…doesn't make sense. It's so…not him!" The man exclaimed to the doctors. The people around him tried to calm him down but it was no use. There was no new news on his condition, so that means they all would have to wait. Wait. And wait. And wait. This was going to be hell.

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Mark Cohen has always been somewhat…invisible. He has always blended in. The fact that he was shy and quiet just added fuel to the already lit fire. Mark…wanted to stop being invisible. He wanted to be noticed. And not just by everyone…but one person in particular.

Roger Davis. Mark had been in love with him since the first time they met. It was love at first sight—at least for Mark. He couldn't really explain what it was about Roger that was so appealing. It was just…something that was there.

Mark recalled the countless times he tried to confess to Roger his feelings; or at the very least talk to Roger about them. But something always came up…

_Mark was sitting on the couch, his nerves growing intently. He wanted to…no, was going to tell Roger about his feelings today. As much as Mark wanted to believe that Roger would understand, he was still afraid of it. What if Roger kicked Mark out? No…that wouldn't happen. Collins wouldn't let it. But…what if?_

Just as Mark was about to chicken out, the door opened, and in walked the man of the hour. Mark smiled, but the smile vanished slightly. Roger wasn't alone. He had a…girl with him. Mark's heart immediately fell, felling like it shattered into a million pieces. But he forced a smile to the grinning Roger. "Hey Roger," he said, masking his hurt.

_Roger smiled at him. "Hey Mark." He motioned for the girl with red hair to enter the loft. Mark glanced at her. She wasn't all that bad, much to Mark's dismay. She was actually quiet attractive. Roger grabbed this stranger's hand and looked back to Mark. "Mark…this is April."_

_Mark smiled and went to shake her hand. He would never be impolite—no matter whom the guest was. "Hi April. As Roger already mentioned…I'm Mark," he said politely. _

_April smiled and shook his hand. "Hello Mark."_

_Mark took his hand back and watched the pair walk over to the couch. He sighed. There was no way he could tell Roger his feelings now, because there was someone else in the picture. Mark quietly retreated to his room, alone._

Mark started picking up filming and photography that week. He needed something to keep his mind off of Roger and April, who were suddenly everywhere. Mark hid behind his camera, and he knew it. Sad for someone who wanted so desperately to be noticed. But ever since April, he didn't care anymore.

_Mark was laying in his bed, attempting to get some sleep. He knew there was no way he could settle his restless mind right now. His mind kept drifting towards April. More so, what she had done today. Mark still couldn't believe she…committed suicide. It was so unreal._

_He had come home to find her body, lying their in that red liquid. Mark almost passed out from the sight, but managed to keep it together for Roger's sake. _

Roger.

_He was a mess—is, is a mess. Mark had never seen Roger like this, ever. But even now Roger was in his room doing, well, they both know what he was doing. He was shooting up. Trying to forget about the pain, the loss, everything. _

_Mark was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear or even notice Roger open the door and come into his room. Roger sat on Mark's bed, causing Mark to look up suddenly. "Hey Mark…" Roger said softly._

_Mark sat up quickly. "Roger…how are you doing?" _

_Roger shrugged. "I don't know. Alright, I guess." Mark just nodded. What do you really say at a time like this? Roger looked up at Mark. "I want to quit." _

_Mark stared at him. **Did he just say what I thought he said?** But before Mark could respond, Roger continued. "I shouldn't have even started. Look what it's done to me." He said emotion thick in his voice. _

_Mark nodded. "Okay Roger, what do you need me to do?" _

_Roger looked up at him and smiled weakly. "I need you to be there. I can't do this on my own," he said, tears falling from his eyes. He leaned into Mark, resting his head on Mark's shoulder as he cried. Mark put his arms around Roger, letting him cry. _

"_Of course I'll be there, every step of the way Rog," Mark told him. Mark sighed. "Hey Roger…can I tell you something?" He asked._

_Roger nodded and Mark took a deep breath. It was now or never. "Roger I think…I think I might lo—" Mark was cut off by the loft door opening and a voice shouting, "Mark! Roger! Where are you guys?" _

_**Collins! Damn it!** Mark sighed. "We're in here Collins." Mark sighed. He was so close. Oh well, now probably wasn't the right time anyways._

After that, Roger went downhill. Not his health, but his attitude. He hated everyone and everything, because he didn't have his drugs. Mark stood his ground, keeping the promise he had made to Roger that night. Mark stayed with Roger through it all.

Mark remembered all the times it was him, Roger, and Maureen. Maureen. Mark had honestly never been in love with her. He was tired of everyone telling him that he was detaching himself. He wasn't, honest. Mark was only trying to get over Roger, even though he knew he never really would. No matter how much he tried. He would always love Roger, and that was the cause of his fall.

_It was Christmas Eve in 1989. Roger was done with withdrawal—finally! It felt like it had been years! Mark could have sung and danced all the way back to the loft, but of course, he was riding his bike. And I don't know about you, but singing and dancing while riding a bike…it didn't seen like such a good idea._

_Mark through open the loft to find the power out. That damn Benny! It's amazing how quickly an old friend will turn their back on you. _

_Mark didn't care. He was going to tell Roger about his feelings. Finally, after waiting for so long. Mark felt so…relieved._

_He opened the door to find Roger, sitting there with his guitar—like usual. He couldn't help but smile to himself. The phone was ringing. Collins. _

_  
Mark sighed. Well, he wasn't going to get to tell Roger now. May be Collins would go out later? _

_Mark and Roger sat and talked about honestly, nothing. They were talking for a while when Mark finally glanced up at the clock. It had been 2 hours since he had thrown down the key to Collins. Mark got up. "Roger, I'm going to go look for Collins." _

_Roger nodded. "Okay," was all he said. Mark hid his slight disappointment and walked out the door._

_He arrived back at the loft about an hour later. "No luck. I couldn't find him anywhere," he said to the Roger, the very pissed off Roger sitting on the couch. Roger didn't even acknowledge Mark was there. Mark walked over to him. "What's up Roger?" _

_Roger proceeded to tell him about the girl, Mimi, from downstairs. How she wanted him to 'light her candle.' Mark's heart was crushed. The one night he was going to tell Roger his true feelings. Mark couldn't believe his luck. Then again, if Mark didn't have bad luck, he'd have no luck at all._

Roger and Mimi had actually hit it off. Everyone was so happy that Roger had finally gone out of the house and talked to someone besides Mark. Mark was just upset. He loved Roger more than anything. He was just going to wait for him. Wait. And wait. And wait. This was going to be hell.

After a while, Mark got tired of waiting. Tired of picking up the pieces for Roger, after him and Mimi had a fight. But Mark was never the one to get to actually _be with_ him. And he was tired of waiting.

As he had sat there on that cold hard floor in the bathroom, he replayed all these memories in his head. Thinking about what could have happened if he had had the guts to tell Roger how he felt.

Roger. That's who he was thinking about, as he slid the blade across his wrist. Yes. Mark Cohen was done waiting.

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Mark slowly opened his eyes and saw the face of Roger sitting by his bedside. No, it wasn't his room. This room was an ugly yellow, brown color. Was that…machines he was hearing? Where the hell was he?

Roger smiled. "Mark! Oh my god! I'm so happy you're awake," he told him, reaching for Mark's hand.

Mark cracked a smile and held onto Roger's hand. "Where am I Roger?" He asked his voice weak and raspy.

Roger's smile faded. "Mark…you're at the hospital."

Mark felt like he'd hit a brick wall. Oh yeah, that whole… "incident." How could he have been so stupid? Mark looked away from Roger's eyes. "Mark…why couldn't you talk to me…if you were having problems?" Roger asked him, deep concern in his voice.

Mark continued looking away. Might as well tell him. I mean, he's lying in a hospital bed after a failed attempt at suicide. What else does he possible have to lose? "You are the problem, Roger," he told him quietly.

Roger stared at him, obviously confused. "Wait. Me?"

Mark nodded, and took a deep breath. "Yeah. Roger…I've…I'm…I think I'm in love with you." He stated quickly. Mark looked over to see Roger's smiling face.

"Mark…I can't believe you just said that. I _am_ in love with you." He told him, leaning up to kiss Mark's cheek.

Mark couldn't help but smile. Roger came down. "Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked Mark.

Mark shrugged. "Well, you haven't exactly been alone," he said. To which Roger just smiled at. "None of that matters anymore Mark, we're together now."

Mark left the hospital a few days later. He couldn't wait to get home. He was beaming as he walked back into the loft. His friends were there to welcome him home, but he was exhausted so he said his thanks and wandered off to bed. A few minutes later, Roger entered his room. He lay beside Mark and wrapped his arms around him. And together, they drifted off to sleep.

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Mark heard this strange buzzing in his eyes. No…it was more like a murmur. Of a machine may be? He wasn't sure. He smiled, remembering what had happened the past few days. He couldn't help it.

He opened his eyes and saw a white ceiling. Where was he? This wasn't the loft! He glanced around the room. He saw Angel and Collins wrapped up in each other on a chair. There were Joanne and Maureen sitting on the windowsill. Where was Roger? Mark was beginning to panic. He looked to his right and there he was. His arms wrapped around Mimi who was on his lap.

His smile faded as the realization hit him. It had all been a dream. None of it was real. Him and Roger were never together. He was still in the hospital, recovering.

Mark closed his eyes. He didn't want to have woken up. That was the only time he was ever able to be with Roger—in his dreams. Mark sighed to himself, forcing back the tears. This was it. The end of him and Roger. He knew that it was never going to happen.

A doctor walked into the room. "Has he woken up yet?"

Since no one had noticed Mark open his eyes, Roger, the man who had before been hysterical replied. "No."

The doctor sighed. "I will be back in a little while to check up again." And with that he was gone.

Roger said suddenly. "Do you guys know why he did it? It's just so…not Mark."

Maureen rolled her eyes. "That's the thirtieth time you've said that and no, we don't know!" She told him, not hiding her annoyance.

No one had seen him open his eyes for that brief moment. And he hadn't made a sound.

Mark stopped trying to listen. He just drifted back to sleep. He didn't want to talk to anyone now. Especially Roger. He just wanted to forget about everything. And for once, he was glad he was invisible.

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I hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know what you think!


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